The Gospel According to Wolf

The Gospel according to Wolf is a collection of wit, wisdom and some cases pure bull shit.   I sometimes include material from other sources and will always indicate the source or acknowledge that I didn’t compose it.  If  I know who it comes from I will credit that person dead or alive.  If too much material accumulates I may have to categorize it to make it easier to read.

“If I write it and you can read it and know what I wrote the spelling is close enough.”

The gospel according to wolf   verse 1 ch. 1

 note: This was a remark to a third grade teacher when I was about  8 yrs. old.  It  got me slapped  and an F in spelling.  But,  I stood my ground and to this day can’t spell.  I can even stump my spell checker.  Now that’s talent.

“Never try to teach a pig to sing.  It’s a waste of time and it annoys the pig .”
Author  unknown

Comment: This may be applicable to nation building in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“If you exercise, eat right, go to church and are moderate in all things you aren’t going to live longer, it’s just gonna to seem a lot longer.”

The Gospel according to Wolf  verse 3  Ch. 2

You don’t change Dicks in the middle of a screw, vote for Nixon in 72.

1972 Presidential campaign  slogan

Note: I was a young and newly registered republican at this time and this slogan really pissed me off. Now it just seems prophetic and also funny.

Acknowledgement:  I also may owe my life to Richard Nixon because I was one of the lucky ones that benefited from his BULL SHIT pull out of troops and my tour was cut short by about 90 days.  For that I am grateful. 

“No matter what kind of women I end up with I’m going to have to put up with a load of crap so it might as well be worth it.”

The gospel according to wolf  Ch. 3 vs 10

Note:   this was an ignorant answer to a question from my sister.  “Why do you insist on chasing beautiful women with big boobs.?”  “ Why not just find a nice regular girl.”   I am older and wiser now, but it just happens that my girl friend of 10 years is beautiful and has big boobs.  I don’t notice the crap at all.

“If stupidity got us into this mess what makes anyone think stupidity will get us out of it?”

Mark Twain (Samuel Clemmons)

Note:  This should be carved into the front of all Government buildings and read before congress prior to each new session.

Comment:  If you don’t know who Mark Twain was stop reading text books approved by the Texas board of Education.   ( I  know, this is a cheep shot)

“You can’t fix stupid”

Comedian Ron White

Comment: truer words were never spoken however, stupid is not always a bad thing and can even present opportunity.  Think about it.

The leader of the free world should not believe, or claim to believe or even infer he or she believes that the FLINTSTONES is a Natural History Documentary.

The gospel according to Wolf ch. 4 vs. 7

Note:  The reference to the Flintstones cartoon being a natural history documentary  comes from part of the stand up act of  comedian (Lewis Black) in reference to a creationist theme park in KY.

I’m pretty sure that the Anti Christ will show up wrapped in a flag and carrying a Christian cross and will have worked for FOX NEWS.

The Gospel according to wolf ch.4 vs. 1

If you don’t ever vote you have absolutely no right to piss and gripe about how fouled up the government is.

The Gospel according to Wolf Ch4 vs. 5

Note: The exceptions are those who live in RED states and can’t pay the poll tax or find a government facility to acquire a photo ID because all the ones in your area have been closed.

There is compelling Scientific evidence that “Career Politicians” represent   an example of reverse evolution.

The Gospel according to Wolf Ch. 4 vs. 2

Note:  If you are a creationist I guess you’ll just have to go with God  made politicians and Da Devil made them lying sack of crap assholes.

The single greatest gift the internet has given mankind is universal and private access to PORNOGRAPHY.  It helps stop the spread of STDs increases the amount of daily aerobic exercise per capita and gives ugly cheap guys an opportunity to interact with beautiful women.

The Gospel according to Wolf Ch 4  Vs. 3

Note: Thank you Al Gore for inventing the Internet and giving  socially awkward guys like me hours of  pleasure, it sure beats getting fucked by the asshole that stole the election from you. 

The old saying what you don’t know can’t hurt you is Bull Shit.  What you don’t know will probably kill you.

The Gospel according to wolf CH. 2 Vs. 2

Note:  This came from an incident one morning when I got out of bed without out a major effort by my mom or dad and the dog and caught my dad making what looked like scrambled eggs but a little different.  When I asked, “what’s in the eggs?” Dad replied  don’t worry about  it you’ll like it.  What happened after I tried it is another story.

Never drive around in your car naked if you have bad brakes.

The Gospel according to Wolf Ch. 2 vs. 8

Note: This one was born of an incident involving skinny dipping in a local lake and me throwing cloths in the water.  What an asshole I was, but not stupid, I didn’t throw my cloths in.  So It wasn’t me who got the “driving while naked” ticket.  

Comment:  This prank was a pay back for a previous prank inflicted on me.  Pay back is a Bitch.

Don’t get Mad, get even.

“Bluto” Blutarski  from the movie Animal House

Note:  A rule to live by.

I just took a wife, she’s the joy of my life, I could not ask for more. She’s deaf and dumb and over sexed and owns a liquor store.
Comedian Woody Woodbury circa late 1940s early 1950s

Comment: I was about 10 or 12 I used to sneak down into the family  & entertainment area of the basement of my family home and listen to some of the “adult content comedy albums. You  remember those things big round black discs.  Anyway I thought they were funny cause they said words like "Damn it" and “BY God…"” Sex" , all considered racy back then.  My how things have changed. 

Note:  I know that this gem would be considered chauvinistic pig crap now but it’s still funny.

While you are trying to pay attention to the English lesson the kid sitting behind you is wiping boogers on the back of your desk seat.  To hell with the English lesson, you can get that anywhere but defend yourself from all boogers foreign and domestic.

=The Gospel according to Wolf CH2 vs 8

Note: Since I am always spouting off about the truth and don’t want to be a hypocrite I will confess that I was not the kid paying attention to the English lesson, you can probably guess which kid I really was.  To my credit however I never ever ate boogers like that nerd in the front of me did.

I think he’s a State Senator in Illinois now.  I on the other hand am here writing this bull shit. BUT I DO NOT NOW NOR  HAVE I EVER ATE BOOGERS.  Or is that eaten boogers.  Did I spell boogers right?  Crap, I should have paid more attention in school. I could’da  been a senator, I’ll eat boogers.  Maybe it’s not to late.

Those who cannot remember history are condemned to repeat it.

Poet and philosopher George Santayana circa 1905

Note:  Contrary to popular thought this has nothing to do with the Holocaust however some wise person was able to connect the dots.  I hope to God the dots stay connected. It also may explain most of my romantic misadventures. 

A great set of boobs do not make a women attractive and beautiful but they do allow me to over look some minor flaws like a big hook nose, one eye, bad breath, buck teeth, no teeth,  fat, stupid, felony convictions and other moral turpitude.
The gospel according to wolf CH4 Vs. 69

Comment:  I have no comment,  this crap probably has me in enough trouble without adding more crap to the pile. 

If God wanted me to ride horses he wouldn’t have created Henry Ford and F-series trucks.
The Gospel According to Wolf  Ch 4   vs 29

Note:  This was an answer to the question” why don’t you want to ride with us.” I spent several years around horses in my young adult life and find them beautiful and I love them but I don’t want to ride one.  If I have to I can.  If I don’t have to fuck it , I’ll take my truck.  Besides, the girl that asked wasn’t very hot, and I’m a horses ass. 

After thought:  If she was hot and & had big boobs I would have gone with her  even if she was riding a camel. Hell I would have ridden on the  damn hump.

If I can get into my mouth it’s mine.

The Gospel According My Wolves

Note:  My children are two beautiful hybrid wolves (wolf Dogs).  They are beautiful loving and a major pain in the ass sometimes.  But, they are always good for a laugh on a day that nothing seems funny at all.  

A politician doesn’t have to be Intelligent.  All that’s necessary is for them to be smart enough to get stupid people to vote for them in sufficient enough numbers to get elected.
                                                         The Gospel According to Wolf Ch 4 vs 15

Comment: This seems to be the rule rather than the exception.  It also indicates that there is no end to the supply of stupid people.

“Over promise and under deliver”
The Politicians Creed

Comment: It’s not necessary to keep promises as long as you can blame someone else for the failure and have 4 years to think up enough bull shit to make it seem like you tried real hard.

If I had it to do all over again I would probably only do the really hot ones and avoid the ugly ones.

The Gospel According to Wolf  Ch4 vs. 14

Comment:  This verse indicates a tendency toward selective memory and perhaps wishful thinking if not out right delusion.

Something has to kill you sooner or later; it might as well be something you like.

The Gospel According to Wolf CH4  VS 18

Comment:  A wise ass crack to a doctor who was concerned about my liver function.  I have since seriously moderated my drinking.

I believe that in America anyone can grow up to be A Governor, Senator, Congressmen or Even President.  The problem is that to many of these assholes haven’t grown up enough.

The Gospel According to Wolf CH4  VS 18

Comment:  Neener Neener Bah Bah,  I aint gonna vote for your bill cause you didn’t vote for mine and my god is better than your god and………….

No poor dumb son-of-a-bitch ever won a war by dying for his country,  he won it by making the other poor dumb son-of –bitch die for his country.
General George S. Patton Commander U.S. 3rd Army

Comment:  I don’t think I would have liked the asshole but I sure as hell respect him.  I guess that was the whole point of his   command theory. 

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
 no idea where the hell I got this from
comment:  This is one of the greatest axioms of civilization,  I'd love to know who it was, I suspect it might have been Louis XIV King of France just before he was beheaded during the French Revolution. It could also have been Al Gore.

 Many of the worlds problems could have been solved if I hadn't completely lost my train of thought.

 comment: I totally lost a real clever saying to share with you because I was trying to do too much to fast so I just threw this one in there.

“ You cannot mix religion with a democratic government, to do so would change both into something else  far worse than either one of them had they remained separate. You only have to look at history to see this is true.

The Gospel According to Wolf CH4  VS 87

Comment:  I have never ever heard a valid argument that there is no separation of church and state or there should not be a separation. A True American and a person of strong faith would never agree to mix the two.

If bull shit was currency, there would be no need for campaign finance.
The Gospel According to Wolf CH4  VS 87

comment: This kind of gives a whole new perspective to campaign finance reform.

If you stink you have no moral right to tell other people to take a bath.
The Gospel According to Wolf  CH 3 Vs 15

Comment: This is a reference to those politicians who preach crap like family values, morality, honesty and other hypocrisy in order to get elected.

A politician loves to preach to the choir.  A Wing Nut Politician preaches to the hysterical villagers then hands out pitchforks and torches.
The Gospel According to Wolf  Ch4 VS. 123

Comment: This is the tactic the seems to be used the most by politicians that lack any real credibility and have no real solutions, they just want to get elected so they pander to the fears of the ignorant.

“Having a disagreeable opinion doesn’t mean you are a liar it’s passing off that opinion that has absolutely no supporting evidence other than some guy told some guy who told you and now you pass it off to an innocent unsuspecting, trusting person as fact.  That’s what makes you a liar.”

The Gospel According to Wolf  Ch4 VS. 9

Note:  This is directed toward all the tel- evangelical false prophets and religious right scumbags out there that are giving good honest and decent Christians a bad name.

Question:  Which part of  “Thou shalt not Bare False Witness”  escapes your dumb ass lying sack of crap brain? 

The difference between a Democrat and a Republican is like the difference between the words “Crap” and “Shit” , They both stink but one is a little less civilized than the other. 
The Gospel According to Wolf  Ch 4 VS. 14

Comment:  The 2 party system,  the influence of big money and the influence of religion all need to be seriously curbed or  a free American will cease to exist.  The problem is  how do we get the Pirates we put in office to outlaw piracy.    

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - 
                                           Dr. Seuss

Comment:  Why does Dr Seuss make more sense than the Bible

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.
                                                            Ralph W. Sockman

Comment:  I am not sure who this guy was but I'll bet he wasn't an evangelical Republithug tea bagger moron.  

Teaching abstinence only is like teaching your kids not to go into the deep end of the pool and neglecting to teach them to swim. IT'S FRIKKIN STUPID AND IRRESPONSIBLE.
                                                        The gospel according to wolf

Comment:  The highest teen pregnancy rates occur in in states that  predominantly preach abstinence only and neglect information about contraceptive, and prevention of STDs.  This places the conservative U.S. in the same categories as many third world countries.   Just another shining example of religious right ignorance.

“Corporations   have neither bodies to kick nor souls to damn.”
                                              President Andrew Jackson
Comment:  I am not a big fan of Andrew Jackson, having family members that are Cherokee.  He was not only guilty of defying a Supreme Court decision but was guilty of crimes against humanity.  In his defense, his strong sense of Christian morality did not apply equally  to people  other than white Anglo Saxons as was the conservative view of the times.

"He who can lead you to believe an absurdity can lead you to commit an atrocity."
                                                        Voltaire (on religion)

Comment:  I think if more people would actually read the bible in particular the old testament,  they would be asking more questions.    It simply doesn't fit the modern mind set common to most civilised people.
  The Republicans never saw a problem they couldn’t ignore cover up or simply tell us that it doesn’t exist. The Democrats never saw a problem that they couldn’t complicate with stupid legislation and more bureaucracy.

                                             The Gospel According to wolf ch5 verse 1

Comment: Call me cynical but I see no real hope of seeing this country going in a positive direction. We simply don’t have the quality of leadership or the moral foundation to stand on. Our people are more divided than ever and the corporations and other special interests own the election process. In our defense we have certainly been no worse than other countries but if it comes down to it we’ve been no better either.
Many things were acceptable like women not having the right to vote and black people had to sit in the back of the bus until we stopped accepting them.
                                                 Rev. Al Sharpton

                                                                                                                                                                        Comment: I never used to like this guy, especially in my registered Republican days, until he became a commentator on MSNBC and I started listening to him. I couldn’t catch him lying or being overly unfair to others. He doesn’t pass off opinion as a truth.  I don’t always agree with that opinion but he has earned my respect.

Fear and Ignorance are the fuel that keep the religious fires burning.
                                      The Gospel According to wolf ch5 verse 1
comment:  There seems to be an inexhaustible supply of fear and ignorance and a very short supply of reason in American politics.
Extremes to the right and to the left of any political dispute are always wrong.”
                                           Dwight D. Eisenhower
Comment:  I wonder what the General/President would think of todays Republican Party.  I doubt that he would even recognize it.
“How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican. ”
                                                   Will Durst
Comment:  I don't think God is a Republican but I do think some Republicans beleive they talk to God and speak for Him.
“Prolific irony - For 8 years, the finger on the button that could end the world belonged to a president who couldn't pronounce the word "nuclear.”
                                  T. Rafael Cimino, Mid Ocean
“We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it...”
                                                   P.J. O'Rourke
"Don't you know there ain't no devil, it's just god when he's drunk."
                                                           -- Tom Waits
 Comments:  “ popcorn front row higher than a Kite and we’ll all be back tomorrow night”   (lyrics from pasties & g-strings)
 "The world holds two classes of men-intelligent men without religion, and religious  men  without intelligence"
                                              -- Abu Ala Al-Ma'arri (???? - 1059)
 Comment:  between 800 and 1100 Ad the Islamic culture led the civilized world in tolerance, math, science and was the epicenter of hi culture.  Then in 1100 a holy man came along and declared that Math and science were the devil’s work and the rest is history.
Note:  The fundamentalist Christians are no less ignorant and will if allowed set us back a thousand years.
All Politicians stretch the truth  Today’s conservatives have elevated lying to an art form and incorporated it as a default tool to get elected or stay in office.  The truth to them is immaterial.
                                      The gospel according to wolf
"Prayer has no place in the public schools, just like facts have no place in organized religion."
                   - School Superintendent on "The Simpsons" episode #100, 1994
I’m convinced that if evolution science is true that it must be a very slow process since I see a lot of alleged Homo Sapiens still dragging their knuckles and having difficulty walking up right.  Maybe it’s the low ceilings in Republican Caves.
                                 The gospel acording to wolf
 Comment:  Regression in cultural advances have occurred in the past from different causes like the fall of Rome or the fall of Islam into the religious abyss of ignorance in 1100 AD.   Evangelical Christians seem to be trying very hard to send us back to the middle ages.

Maybe we should out law fire extinguishers because they only encourage people to set shit on fire.
                                                      Rebecca Watson

Comment:  This is a piece of wisdom used to point out the idiocy of people like Michelle Bachman and Rick Santorum that believe that contraception should be outlawed because it only encourages deviant sexual activities.

Note:  This mentality that seems to be common among the religious right is abject stupidity and makes no sense at all but then it’s coming from idiots that believe that the Flintstones is a natural history documentary.

If you are a Women and thinking of voting Republican, read Genesis 3:16 and see the basis for the conservative war on women. If you read this crap and still vote for the Republicans then you get what you deserve.
                                          the gospel according to wolf

"Secular schools can never be tolerated because such a school has no religious instruction and a general moral instruction without a religious foundation is built on air; consequently, all character training and religion must be derived from faith . . . We need believing people."
                                                           Adolph Hitler
Comments:  It sounds like Jerry Farwell, smells of Pat Robertson and could be passed off as coming from any religious right wingnut  asshole in American today.  What does that tell ya.


The superior man knows what is right, the inferior man know what sells.” Confucius
Comment:  This kind of sums up where politicions stand on the scale of  quality.


Fear and ignorance are the foods that feed hatred and intolerance. 

Comment:   Religion and often times political ideology are two of the entities that most often thrive under conditions dominated by fear and ignorance.  Combine the two, religion and political ideology and you have what is now the Republican Party. The Current Republican party is a shining example of how much fear and ignorance will allow its victims to be manipulated.

It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you don’t know it can’t be done.
                                             An immigrant business man 
 Comment:  I really like this one,   it is a quote from a successful turn of the 20th century furniture manufacturer and innovative entrepreneur.

If Teachers were armed when I was in grade school I would have never lived to get shot at in Vietnam thereby depriving this great nation of one of it’s great heroes.
                        the gospel according to wolf  Ch 15 verse 2

Comments:  I’m pretty sure I would have been shot somewhere between the 3rd and 6th grade by some crazy armed  overworked teacher,  I  was not a hero or anywhere near it,  I did have the privilege of serving with some very brave marines though.  I  just threw that in there because it seemed funny.  Arming teachers however seems insane. 

The problem with manipulating large groups of people with propaganda and lies in order to stay in power in a democracy  is sooner or later it will be hard to tell who is manipulating whom.

Comments:   The cultivation of the religious right by the GOP over the last 40 years has backfired in a big way.  Now  the face of conservatism is  represented by some seriously fucked up people who don’t accept any kind of fact or reason.   
 “Good Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions.” ~
                      Jerry Falwell

Comment:  That kind of says it all doesn't it.  What a Moron this asshole was.
Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.” ~
                                             Ronald Reagan
Comment:  This is one of the stupidest quotes I have ever heard.  Proof that Ignorance and stupidity didn't infect the Republican Party over night.
A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.                                                      
                                              J. Pierpoint Morgan
How many observe Christ's birthday! How few his precepts!
O! 'tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.
                           ~Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, 1757

There is no debate here — just scientists vs. non-scientists, and since the topic is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote. We shouldn’t decide everything by polling the masses. Just because most people believe something doesn’t make it true. This is the fallacy called "argumentum ad numeram"; the idea that something is true because great numbers believe it. As in: "Eat shit, 20 trillion flies can’t be wrong."
comment:   I didn't write this,  if I can find the author I will post it because it's brilliant
I came to the conclusion that religious people that have all the answers don't like questiions.
                                                             The gospel according to Wolf

Save the Fetus,  ignore the child is the hypocricy of the pro life assholes.
                       the gospel according to wolf
 Comment:  Republican Pro life hypocrisy  makes no sense at all
If evolution was real, it would still be happening, Apes would be turning into humans today.
Comment:  One of the fallacies of the creationist arguments is that they have no idea what the theory of evolution actually says.  But then they have no idea what their bible actually says either.
The conceptual stupidities of conservatism are matched by the strategic stupidities of liberalism.
                                         George Monbiot 
Comment:  We need to rid ourselves of this idiotic 2 party system that gives a choice between bad ideas and no ideas, fucking stupid and evil.

We don’t usually delude others until after we have first deluded ourselves.
                                           david frum ( former GOP oprative and congressional aid)
The astrophysicist proclaimed that there is no shame in admitting you do not know something and that the real shame is pretending to know everything.
                                         Neal Degrasse Tyson   

 The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.
                                             Marcus Aurelius
Decisions made based on ignorance and stupdity instead of reason and fact will ultmatly lead to disasterous results.
Note:  Both political parties are guilty of stupidity but it's the Republicans and the so called conservatives that are now the champions of ignorance.  I remember a day when you could be a Republican without being intellectually challenged.
comment:  I left the Republican party when at a political gathering I realized I was the smartest person in the room.  That's not  a good thing, in fact it's down right scary.